Peter's Tears

Dear Diary,

The snow was almost gone from the fields, and for a few days it had felt like spring was trying to come. But today the wind came roaring across the prairie and seemed to whip up new weather all by itself. Little flurries of snow skittered across the ground, and the cold made it feel like the middle of winter again. It was 30 degrees, but with the strong wind it felt more like 15, so it was surely a day to stay close to home.

Since Sunday would be Church day, today was quiet and plain. We did only the chicken chores and nothing extra. I bundled up and hurried out with Sister Mary Claire while Mini came along beside us, low to the ground and quick about it, as if she knew very well this was no day for fooling around. The hens were glad to see us, and I gathered the eggs as fast as I could before we all hurried back in out of the cold.

Once we were warm again, Sister Mary Claire read the meditation about Peter’s repentance. It told how Peter had denied Our Lord three times, and then the cock crowed, just as Jesus had said it would. When Peter remembered, and when the truth of what he had done came over him, he went out and wept bitterly. Sister explained it so gently. She said Peter truly did love Jesus, but he had been weak and frightened. His tears were not just tears of shame, but tears of love too, because he knew what it meant to have failed Someone so good.

That stayed with me all day. I suppose it is easy to think I would have been brave if I had been there, but Sister said that we all have little chances to be like Peter when we are afraid, or when we fail to stand close to Jesus as we should. Still, she said the beautiful thing is that Peter did not stay away. He was sorry, and his sorrow brought him back. Sister said repentance is not the end of love at all, but often where love begins to grow stronger and truer.

Mini slept by the stove most of the afternoon with her chin on her paws while the wind kept rattling at the house. It felt good to be safe indoors, and yet the meditation made everything feel solemn. I kept thinking how kind Our Lord must be, to look on Peter after such a denial and still draw him back with love. It makes me think that no matter how poor and weak I am, Jesus still wants me to come back to Him with a sorry heart and not be afraid.

Tomorrow we will go to Church, and I think I will remember Peter when I kneel down in the pew. I will remember that tears of true sorrow are precious to Jesus, and that He can make even a weak heart faithful again.

Evening Prayer

Dear Jesus,

when I am weak or frightened, please do not let me wander far from You.
Give me a sorry heart like Peter’s, and help me always come back quickly to Your love.
Make me faithful in little things, and keep Sister, Mini, and me close to You tonight.

Amen.

Love,

Kathy