Dear Diary,
This morning Robert picked us up as usual and right on time at the mailbox on his way to St. Mary’s. Sister Mary Claire and I climbed into the pickup and Mini came along with us, settling down happily as we started down the gravel road toward town. The sky looked pale and quiet, and it felt like one of those mornings when everyone is thinking quietly before the day really begins.
Sister had today’s meditation from The Circling Year with her, and she began reading it aloud as we rode. The meditation was about Peter denying Jesus on the night of His Passion. I have always liked Peter because he was brave and strong and loved Jesus very much. But the meditation reminded us that when the moment came and people started asking Peter if he knew Jesus, he became afraid.
The first time someone asked him, he said he did not know Jesus. Then again someone recognized him, and again Peter denied it. Finally a third time he said he did not know the Lord at all. The meditation explained that Peter was frightened of what might happen to him. Even though he loved Jesus, fear made him forget his courage.
Sister said this shows how weak even the best people can be when they are afraid. Peter had promised Jesus he would never leave Him, but when the danger came he forgot his promise.
At Mass Father LeRoy spoke about this during his homily. He said Peter’s denial is sad, but it is also comforting in a way, because it reminds us that even the saints had moments of weakness. Father said Peter loved Jesus deeply, but he trusted too much in his own strength. When fear came, he discovered that he could fall just like anyone else.
Father also told us the most important part of the story is what happened next. When Peter heard the rooster crow, he remembered Jesus’ words and realized what he had done. The Gospel says Peter went away and wept bitterly. Father said those tears were not just sadness—they were the beginning of Peter’s repentance and his return to Jesus.
As Father spoke, I imagined Peter standing in the cold night outside the courtyard, hearing the rooster crow and suddenly remembering everything Jesus had told him. It must have hurt his heart terribly to know he had denied his dear Master.
On the ride home Sister said the meditation is meant to make us think about our own courage. Sometimes we may not deny Jesus with words like Peter did, but we can forget Him in smaller ways—when we are embarrassed to speak about our faith or when we do not stand up for what is right.
Robert said the important thing is to remember what Peter did after his fall. He did not run away forever. He turned back to Jesus with a sorry heart.
That made me feel hopeful. If Peter could become a great saint after such a moment, then Jesus must be very patient and merciful with all of us.
Tonight the farm is quiet, and Mini is already asleep beside the bed. I keep thinking about Peter and his tears, and how Jesus must have forgiven him.
Evening Prayer
Dear Jesus,
Please give me courage so that I never turn away from You when I am afraid.
And if I ever forget You like Peter did,
please help me remember You again and come back with a sorry heart.
Amen.
Love,
Kathy
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