This morning Robert picked Sister, Mini and me up for Holy Mass. The morning felt quiet and prayerful, like the whole day was waiting for the Gospel.
At Mass, Father LeRoy read the Gospel about Jesus asking Saint Peter, “Do you love me?” He asked him three times, and each time Peter told Him yes. Then Jesus said, “Feed my lambs,” and “Tend my sheep,” and “Feed my sheep.”
Father LeRoy explained it so kindly that I could almost see the morning by the sea, with Jesus standing near the fire after breakfast, looking at poor Saint Peter with such mercy. Peter had denied Him three times, and now Jesus let him say three times that he loved Him. Father LeRoy said Jesus was not trying to hurt Peter’s heart. He was healing it. Jesus was giving Peter his work back again.
Then Father LeRoy looked around the church and said, “Every one of us must answer that same question in our own way. Jesus asks, ‘Do you love Me?’ And if we say yes, He gives us someone to care for.”
I thought about that a long time.
On the way home from Mass, Robert said that feeding sheep does not always mean standing in a pasture with a bucket. Sometimes it means helping somebody’s soul not go hungry.
Sister Mary Claire said, “Kathy, lambs are the little ones, the weak ones, and the ones who need gentleness. Jesus never asks love to sit still. Love always becomes care.”
That stayed in my mind all afternoon.
After dinner, I walked in back of the house to the old garage in the grove for a little while. Robert had fixed it up for me as a quick getaway, and it is one of the dearest places on the farm now. It is not fancy, but it feels holy to me. The old wooden walls hold the warmth from the stove, and the little altar table has flowers, a crucifix, and a candle and that is exactly how I want the place to be.
Mini trotted behind me through the grove and then hopped up near the bed as soon as we got inside. I had meant to tell her to keep off, but she curled herself into a little loaf and fell asleep almost at once. She looked so peaceful that I decided she could stay. Maybe tending sheep sometimes means letting a tired little corgi sleep where she feels safe.
I knelt at the kneeler with my rosary in my hands. The stove crackled softly, and the lantern made the whole garage glow golden.
I told Jesus that I do love Him, though not as much as I ought. I told Him I wanted to say it three times like Saint Peter, because sometimes my heart needs healing too.
“Dear Jesus, You know that I love You.”
Then I said it again.
“Dear Jesus, You know that I love You.”
And then a third time, very quietly.
“Dear Jesus, You know everything. You know that I love You.”
After that, I tried to think of who His lambs might be in my own little life. Maybe Mini, who trusts me. Maybe Omelette and the hens, who need feeding and fresh straw. Maybe the people who read the Gospel sheets. Maybe someone at church who feels lonely. Maybe even Sister Mary Claire sometimes, though she seems much more like a shepherd than a lamb.
I think Jesus was telling me that if I love Him, I must be kind where He has placed me. I must feed what is hungry, comfort what is tired, and help what is little. I cannot preach like Father LeRoy, but I can love Jesus in small farm-girl ways.
When I was finished praying, I looked at Mini asleep by the bed, and the whole room felt like a little answer to the Gospel. Jesus had asked Peter to follow Him. Maybe today He asked me too, right here in the old garage, with the stove warm, the candle burning, and Mini breathing softly in her sleep.
I hope I always say yes.
Evening Prayer
Dear Jesus,
You asked Saint Peter, “Do you love Me?”
Please ask my heart the same question every day.
Help me to love You by caring for Your little lambs,
by being gentle, faithful, and kind,
and by following You wherever You lead me.
Amen.
Love,
Kathy
Gospel Reading
Feed my lambs, feed my sheep.
A reading from the holy Gospel according to John 21:15-19
After Jesus had revealed himself to his disciples and eaten breakfast with them, he said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?” Simon Peter answered him, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my lambs.” He then said to Simon Peter a second time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” Simon Peter answered him, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Tend my sheep.” He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” Peter was distressed that he had said to him a third time, “Do you love me?” and he said, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my sheep. Amen, amen, I say to you, when you were younger, you used to dress yourself and go where you wanted; but when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.” He said this signifying by what kind of death he would glorify God. And when he had said this, he said to him, “Follow me.”
The Gospel of the Lord.
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